Hurricane Billy, my magnificent two year old grandson is visiting this week and we are having too much fun. This morning however, I was confronted by something very disturbing. While we were watching the Disney Channel waiting breakfast an animated segment called Safety Patrol came on. The Safety Patrol is comprised of two children wearing black uniforms and badges whose job is ostensibly keeping little ones safe. On this day the boy and girl were on day watch working Snack Patrol out of Playground Division. For the next eight or ten minutes the screen was filled with these two smarmy brats haranguing, harassing and busting other little dudes for eating chocolate, drinking pop and laying under shade trees playing video games. It seems as if there is nowhere a regular kid can hide from these carrot and celery pushing fascists.
Something must be done to stop this growing menace before every schoolyard in Amerika is overcome by little rats running round denouncing their chums for eating Ho Ho’s. Kids, if one day you are lying under a tree minding your own business playing MurderTon ,enjoying a double Reese Cup, with a 100 octane Dr.Pepper and one of these Jr. Jackboots hassles you. Tell him if he doesn’t get lost you’re your gonna shove the 16 ounce empty up his nose and kick his little Nazi butt right back to Uncle Adolph’s Happy House! We did it before, we can do it again.